To all club members,
It is with shock that we must report the censorship that has occurred on this website. A report of the St Brigid’s -v- St John’s U-16 match has been mysteriously wiped off the system. Suspecting that sinister forces were at work we investigated and we have discovered a tape from a secret committee meeting surrounding the report of the match. Apparently due to all present being masked and hooded we were unable to identify any participants .
Our intrepid reporter has managed to obtain the minutes of the secret meeting and feels it is his duty to publish them to let all club members know exactly what happened.
“Meeting -re.U-16 Match against St John’s 16/06/05
COMMITTEE– Can you explain how in one match you beat St John’s by 10 points and in the return match only weeks later they wallop your team?
U-16 PLAYER – Easy. They were playing ringers, they drugged us, they kidnapped some of our players, they spiked our water bottles and they must have had more than 15 players. And oh yes, they kept getting the ball first.
COMMITTEE– Those are very serious allegations, Can you really prove any of this?
U-16 PLAYER – Oh yes. We think they broke into our homes the night before the match and doped our porridge.
COMMITTEE– How do you know this?
U-16 PLAYER – Well in my case my ma said I was acting very dopey that day. Course she’s always calling me dopey.
COMMITTEE– And this accusation of them playing ringers, have you any evidence of that?
U-16 PLAYER – Ah it was obvious – they were easy ten foot tall – in fact one was ten foot wide, I couldn’t get past him, would have needed a taxi to get round him. I wouldn’t recognise them again because I only saw their backs as they raced away.
COMMITTEE– Turning now to the allegation of kidnap. Where is your evidence of this?
U-16 PLAYER – Well our coach John was trying to ring some of our players that hadn’t turned up and he couldn’t get no answer. Then I couldn’t understand what he was saying – it seemed like Irish or some foreign language but he kept repeating phrases very loudly.
COMMITTEE– Now what exactly occurred during the match?
U-16 PLAYER – Well it wasn’t fair. It was evil. They kept getting the ball first and kicking to their own players. And then they kept scoring every time they went up the field.
They kept hitting the ball so hard we had to step out of the way. They nearly hit our goalie a whole lot of times but he managed to duck away. When Paddy kept kicking out lovely big balls their big number ten kept catching it. He wasn’t supposed to but I think our coach forgot to tell him that. And honest they were on mopeds.
COMMITTEE– You mean they had mopeds on the field?
U-16 PLAYER – Aye. They kept racing up and down with them with the ball.
COMMITTEE– Now we can’t have mopeds on the pitch. In fact I’m still not happy with matches being played on the YMCA. That lovely grass is being destroyed. This is not acceptable.
U-16 PLAYER – Oh we weren’t hurt. Don’t worry, when they came running at us we stepped out of the way. We’re not stupid. Are you allowed to run at other players? I don’t think so!
COMMITTEE – Well all this is very, very interesting but we are going to have to report it to Croke Park.
U-16 PLAYER – Oh yes – can you ask if St John’s will give us our ball back?
COMMITTEE – Oh was that an O’Neill’s No.5 ball?
U-16 PLAYER – No we were playing with a basketball, they said it matched the score.
COMMITTEE – Well for the sake of St John’s we’re going t
